you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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