If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize