the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
