My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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