Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want her autograph on my taint
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
