I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
