Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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