We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
