Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
