Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
