Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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