you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
