I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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