i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
