just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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