2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
