That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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