based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
