the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
