shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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