he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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