he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love having hate sex.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He shit in the fireplace
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