this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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