i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
