sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
