i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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