I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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