She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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