Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
