he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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