My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
