She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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