I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
