Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize