So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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