My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
