I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
