just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
