No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
