I wish I only lived at night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
