you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
