if we break up, who will get the dealer?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
