I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
