Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
