3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
