I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
