Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
