So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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