It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
