just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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