He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
