nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
