EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
