If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
