Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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