You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
