it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
