i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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