I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
