Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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