wrigley field is MILF paradise
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
