I CAN MOONWALK!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
