I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
