So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
