I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
