I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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